How To Play Relationship Poker

Forming lasting relationships is serious business. There is a lot at risk. You could be hurt physically, mentally, emotionally and maybe even spiritually not to mention financially. It is true, however, that those who focus on what they might lose inevitably do lose and lose and lose. This isn't to say that positive thinking always yields victories but if you know what you want eventually you will get it. That is the point, isn't it?

I am a cautious man. I always have been and always will be. When I was young I learned how to read people over a chess board. It isn't a bad skill to have but it makes you cynical after a while. I found that watching someone lose in their own eyes was almost as fun as watching myself win. Brilliant people have twisted past times, so sue me.

If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times. I am not the sort of person anyone marries lightly. I, therefore, in search of assessing my eligibility as a mate, adopted this philosophy in order to find out. There was no other way to do so except one step at a time. The game for me started when I became interested in someone. I turned my first card up and waited to see if they would take the hint and show me something of themselves. If they were willing to go that far we continued to see who was up to the challenge of handling the issues that come with being attached to me. I found out latter that my method of testing and forming relationships, while effective was not the only way to go about things but I have had no regrets about how I did go about the dating game.

Over time, I learned that just about every situation, if you don't mind the silliness attached and the feeling that you are always holding people at a distance, can be considered a game of sorts. Winning and losing, however become probative and logistical problems. In relationships if you concentrate on you not losing while sucking someone else dry, which happens, then you find yourself lonely in the end, with a stench worthy of the most successful hyena wafting around you. Nothing against hyenas, mind you, but carrion eaters, while necessary in nature, have a stench about them only their mothers can love.

Not all games, however, have to result in any one side winning. Sometimes the best place in some games is the attachment that both sides has over the pot that builds in the center of the table. The bigger victory is the one that stays on the table. The greater the attachment both sides have to their investments in the game, the greater the loyalty each player will show to the game. Drawing out the game becomes the winning strategy. If you do so slowly enough, your tactics will force the other party to dig deep to find ways to stay in the game. Once they see the game the same way you do then you both end up as winners.

It wasn't until James Bond introduced me to the world of high stakes poker that I found a game that matched my theory on building relationships and then this metaphor started to take shape. I think that, in the name of understanding, that I should put forward some definitions before this discussion gets so choked with jargon that a dearth of comments over flow like a clogged toilet.

The table: Any place and time where two people meet. It is beneficial if the table is where both parties have an equal standing and hopefully an equal shot at staying in the game. Most men and women of the world must admit that the placing of the table can be very important. It is eminently dangerous to a relationship to try to move in together before the pot is big enough. If the table is placed anywhere less then on neutral ground or in the middle of some distance which is maintained, the lease becomes more of a point of contention that could end the game, not a card or a rather large chip. It is not favorable, up front to get into a situation that does not require both parties to make an equal contribution. If you want to make things simple, you can just not move in together until the ring is on the table but who in this world cares about simplifying things?

Cards: Parts of one's soul or indicators of ones character.  In this model or metaphor, cards are acts that show the other person parts of you that demand response.  Any gambler will tell you that if you show your cards at the wrong place or manner in the game the other person can either fold when it is their turn and walk away or end the game immediately.  These can be dedicated to the game or placed on the table during dates or even in shows of courtesy and consideration between dates. There are a limited number of these.  No person is that complicated unless you are a James Bond or Michael Weston and then I would suggest only playing with someone with the same number of cards. Any other situation hardly seems fair or satisfying.

Chips: Monetary or time investments.  Chips are tokens of affection and consideration. They may hint at the character behind their generation or replenishing but they should not be things that you value to the point of paranoia.  The tokens can get bigger as the natural synergism of the game compels both sides to make larger bets.  Chips are more or less only as limited as one's schedules or means.  Sometimes means can be substituted with a little ingenuity, imagination, or creativity. Chips are placed on the table in turns and should be subject to the other person matching the bet that one sets down.

Object to the game: To first, see the true character of the other player. You should keep the game alive until the end of one’s ability to place chips on the table or until one or both refuse to show any more cards. Fear and pride will kill this game quicker then any card, good or bad. If both sides have favorable cards then the point is to keep the other person at the table as long as possible. This should continue until you know whether you can live with staying at the table with your loved one. I hope that eventually love and respect will set in and you can quit the game portion of your relationship and start living together. Remember, this game is only meant to allow both players to feel in control even if that control is only as much an illusion as this metaphor is.

It is important for both players to sit at the table. Having one player standing is a sign that they are not in it for the long haul. You may hate bringing up the state of the relationship talk and if you are cleaver you can use the turns of play to find out but you in your mind need to be settled at the table and know whether the other person shares that much. If you want, you can always use the growing pot to coerce your love interest into sitting over time. This tactic works rather well too. Always keep in mind though how far your opponent or lover's butt is to the seat and don't even think about moving towards going all in until they are firmly planted at the table.

Next, rounds of betting should never be directly attached to the cards.  Regardless of this, try to cultivate in your life a well of reserve and never out bid or bet your process of creating that well of good in your life.  The difference in play between simple people and those that are more complex in play causes the game between the young to move quickly. This happens because in most innocent marriages neither has much of a well and both are innocent enough about the process of calculating end game that they go all in without reservation. These are beautiful relationships not to be scoffed at.  Not all people can be that innocent or carefree in their wooing.  This has more to do with that couple’s innocence then one's own lack of faith in others.  I only wonder at whether innocent couples should consider these tools as well so that they have the skills to keep their relationship going once the fire from young love burns out.

The fact that you will attract and be attracted to players with life baggage or the same number of cards as you has or close enough not to matter is just a matter of the Universal code of interpersonal law.  Likes attract.  This is not to say that both people have to be alike or even have similar in habits.  It is true that a person's interpersonal gravity grows with the complexity of their character.  People at a certain gravity are drawn to others that have the same kind of gravity even if the material composition of the two personalities or the substance of their cards are very different.

When this happens, you need to be prepared to accept that not all cards on either side are going to be favorable.  You can make altering cards on either side of the board into chips or cards to be lain on the table.  The process when done in turns and at an equal pace can end up ramping up the game faster then one might expect.  In relationships, growing together is the point right?

Remember, According to my model, winning and losing should not be about who has the chip lead or the best cards but rather the process of creating mutual attachment to the pot at the center.  This being said it is only rational to warn that it is not wise to go all in until both players have shown all their cards.  The reverse should also be said.  Do not show all your cards until the other player has gone all in.  I hope that if you can do it right the last card for you and your significant other has a ring on it that is offered and accepted.